The River City Mud Company was originally created on Blogspot in 2004 by a wannabe journalist named Derek Michael Haire at the urging of one of his dear friends. Not long afterward, he was invited to guest blog at Norwegianity by an unscrupulous street pusher named Mark Gisleson, whereupon his addiction to the medium passed the point of no return.

After a valiant attempt to quit blogging cold turkey, Mr. Haire was offered a berth with the internet wrecking crew at The Flypaper Theory, which he accepted. This turned out to be a fateful mistake, because soon he was writing almost every day, even to the point of occasionally venturing into houses of ill repute.

As everyone in polite society now understands, writing on the internet is the gateway drug that leads d-i-r-e-t-c-l-y to activism, do not pass “Go,” do not collect $200. Within a year, our protagonist found himself caught up in a self-destructive whirlwind of special elections and ballot initiatives, culminating in an embarrassing public incident involving a voting machine and a dildo.

After entering a voluntary inpatient treatment program, Mr. Haire fell off the wagon again, to the shock and dismay of law-and-order types all across the Mid-South. His current whereabouts are unknown.

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